The Little Visa That Couldn't

An exhausted but excited couple just off the plane to explore Buenos Aires
(with purple Jacaranda blossoms characteristic of the city)

We are beginning our trip in scenic Buenos Aires, Argentina. More on that in another post. Attentive readers may ask “What happened to Brazil? The flag is in the blog header!! Why did you lie to us in that pretty infographic?!?!”. To you we say calm down, have a mate, and listen to the story of:

The Little Visa that Couldn’t

Adventures in Bureaucratic Incompetence with Brazillian Consulate in Chicago

Narrated by Kateri; Punched up by Andrew

We applied for a tourist visa to Brazil. I carefully filled out forms, checked our vaccinations, included proof of residence, itinerary, and passports. Full of optimism and joy, I lovingly placed the documents in an envelope and sent them off on a sunny day in early August. The application instructions said that it would take two weeks to process the application - THE LIES BEGIN!

Andrew and I went about our lives in Milwaukee for over a month. I emailed the consulate to ask when we should expect a decision.  They replied “please refer to the online tracker”... which had read “Progresso” for the last four weeks. Still tracking though - maybe we’re OK?

On an unseasonably sweltering day in September, we packed a truck to move most of our belongings back east. A marathon podcast on the history of Persia’s conquests (fun fact: they repatriated the jews from Assyria and financed the second temple!) gets us across Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, and Ohio. Stopping in a small town next to Lake Erie after 10 hours of driving we picked up sushi from a brewery (protip: don’t do that) and settled in a room for the night. I enacted my nightly ritual of checking the passport tracker. Oh joy of joys, an update! Let’s see... “NOT ACCEPTED”.  My level of worry increases from ‘late library book’ to ‘manageable grease fire’.

Full of hope and faith in Brazilian bureaucracy, I sprang into action. I drafted an email, the only form of communication allowed for visa questions. I ask why we were declined and how to reapply. Their response was as prompt as it was useless: ‘We’ll send you a letter with the passports. Wait for the letter’.

I wait two weeks for the promised mail. I wait another three days more, submit a lost mail form, and start calling the USPS offices thinking it could be lost in the mail. No luck. Anxious I email the consulate again asking for the address the letter was mailed from. They respond with an oddly defensive email.

So, quick recap- the consulate emailed me on October 10 and 11 to confirm they had mailed our passports/applications back. It is now October 23, and unhappy Kateri does not have passports. Nevermind the rules, I am calling the consulate until I find a human to bother.

First call, no answer, so I left a message. Previous voicemails were fruitless, so I call again and again until - SUCCESS - a real person picked up the phone!

Having read online that the consulate can refuse to service anyone who is rude, I am calm and professional on the phone. The receptionist takes my question "I am wondering if the consulate still has my passport", and she looks up my application. So far so good.

Then she tells me that the consulate DID NOT mail anything. Her rationale: 'the envelope you sent was too small'. In fact, it was the same size as the envelope we applied with.

The Brazilian consulate in Chicago was holding our passports hostage!

It was disconcerting that I had been told on three occasions in writing that the passport was mailed, but the situation was more funny than anything. I felt relief and laughed with the receptionist about the mistake.

I asked for some confirmation that the consulate had our passports:

Kateri: Can you send me an e-mail saying you have the passports?

Consular: No, I cannot e-mail anything.

K: How about a letter?

C: No, no letters. These are delicate matters.

K: Can I speak to someone else in the office?

C: No, no one else can talk on the phone.

K: Can I have your name to notify the Visa department of this mistake by email?

Her voice changes. She says that it is not possible, because it is a 'delicate matter'. Then she says, "I could get in big trouble." I respond with something like 'oh no! why?' She responds with 'I know your name, and where you live.' I am astonished -"That is unacceptable. Do not threaten me."

[Andrew’s Note: I heard half the conversation while driving, this actually happened]

I ask her what she advises to get the passports back, and she gives us three options.

1. We can come to the Consulate in Chicago to get the visas in person. We are driving to Washington DC while this phone call is happening . . . I think . . . that is thirteen hours driving with no guarantee that the passports are there. No way.
2. We can email the Consulate without mentioning this phone call to ask them if they have our passports.  The last time I asked they responded: “both applications were returned, as it was explained before”
3. We can send a friend with a notarized letter to try to pick up the passport. There is no guarantee that this will work, but it is the best option.

Man, Myth, Journalist Extraordinaire and
Slayer of Bureaucracy

I say thank you, hang up and start crying.  I just want our passports.

There didn’t seem to be any good options, until this beautiful man swooped in to save the day:

Armed with a notarized letter and those sultry eyes, Jeffrey Boxer, our knight in shining armor, charged into the consulate while visiting Chicago. In just 15 minutes he accomplished what we’d been waiting months for - Jeff got the passports!

So, here we are in Argentina with passports, but no Brazilian Visa. We have pettily booed their embassy whenever we walk by (but hope they’ll let us in one day).

P.S. If you're interested in sports or politics through a Jewish lens, check out Jeff's work at the Forward.